The Musings of Oliver Queen

Summary and Notes

Oliver Queen reflects on his life since his return to Starling City and just how he came to realize his feelings for Felicity Smoak.
Oliver’s thoughts on Arrow seasons 1 and 2 and his hopes for the future. Ends after Unthinkable and does not take into account any part of season 3.

This 1 shot is my take on how Oliver’s feelings for Felicity have evolved during the first and second seasons of Arrow. There is no dialogue and this is all from Oliver’s point of view. I imagined the stopping point of this at some point after Oliver has left Lian Yu with Felicity and Diggle, but doesn’t know that Thea has left, Lyla is pregnant, or that Quentin Lance is hurt.

The Musings of Oliver Queen

My name is Oliver Queen and I’m in love with Felicity Smoak.

 

The day I first met Felicity I thought she was beautiful and found the way that she seemed to put her foot in her mouth when she babbled adorable. When I asked her to help me with the laptop, it was obvious she didn’t believe the ridiculous cover story I gave, but she still helped me anyways. Felicity kept on helping me whenever I asked, even though it was clear to see that she knew I was hiding the real reasons why I kept asking her for help.

 

After getting a sample of Vertigo, Diggle and I took it to Felicity to ask her to run a spectro-analysis on it and find out where it was coming from. I claimed it was a new energy drink a friend was starting and when I said that I was very particular about what I put in my body, she actually replied that she’d noticed! Guess even back then she wasn’t immune to the Queen charm! When I tried to cover up why the “energy drink” was in syringes and not a sports bottle, Diggle had to walk away to keep from cracking up because we both knew that my B.S. stories were getting worse. As it turns out Felicity felt like she could trust me despite all the half truths I was telling her. I decided then and there that I was going to do my best to make sure that her placing her trust in me wasn’t the wrong thing to do.

 

It was because of all that that I hid myself in the backseat of her car after my Mother shot me. There was just something about Felicity that made me trust her. After I woke up and saw both Diggle and Felicity in the Foundry I felt a sense of acceptance and camaraderie. They accepted me for who I was then and I realized that they weren’t just my friends, but my partners as well. That night Felicity agreed to officially join the team, at least until Walter was found.

 

Looking back now I realize that I was already a little infatuated with Felicity then. I was happy that such an amazing woman saw me for me and didn’t run screaming for the hills, or to the police with proof that I was The Hood. Despite the Dodger putting the bomb collar on her, Helena threatening her and tying her up, and Felicity not being able to locate Falk and stop him from killing Carnahan, she stayed. Even after Walter was found alive, she stayed.

 

After Diggle and Felicity brought me back from my self-imposed exile after failing to stop The Undertaking and Tommy’s death, I chose to become a better man. In order to honor Tommy’s memory I would no longer be a killer. When I took over as CEO of Queen Consolidated and made Felicity my Executive Assistant she stayed, even though she didn’t like her new position and her life would have been simpler and more normal if she walked away, she still stayed.

 

Through Sara coming back, Blood, Isabel, and Slade out to destroy me and Starling City, Felicity stayed. After returning from Russia, and rescuing Lyla, it hurt to have to tell Felicity that because of the life I lead it was better that I not be with someone that I could really care about. I knew that Felicity had feelings for me, romantic feelings; I just wasn’t sure how strong those feelings were. I knew that if I let myself really care for her in that way that I would fall for her, even more so than I already had, and that I would most likely wind up hurting her or her being hurt because she was too close to me. I had to lock away any feelings I had for Felicity and keep them hidden in order to keep her as safe as I could because I knew that she would not walk away from our cause.

 

I broke my no killing rule when The Count took Felicity hostage. Looking back on it now I realize that a very small part of me killed him because he knew my secret identity, but the vast majority was because he took Felicity. I meant what I said that night in the lair, there was no choice to make; a world without Felicity in it isn’t one that I want to think about let alone ever having to experience.

 

When Barry Allen came to town, I’ll admit that I was a little jealous at the obvious connection he had with Felicity and how easy it seemed. It hurt to come to terms with the fact that Felicity deserved to be with someone better for her than me. And it hurt to know that I hurt Felicity by admitting that there was another woman from my past who was very important to me, Shado.

 

It hurt when Felicity went to Central City to be with Barry while he was in a coma. After arguing with both her and Diggle shortly after her return, I realized that no matter what I wanted Felicity by my side, as my partner.

 

When William Tockman came across our “radar,” I was so overwhelmed with everything going on at the time that I was blind to the fact that Felicity was feeling left out. After Tockman trashed her computers Felicity took off to try to stop the Clock King on her own. She was so brave that night when she pushed Sara out of the path of the bullet and ended up with it in her own shoulder. After Sara stitched her up I reassured Felicity that she would always be my girl. I didn’t realize it until later, but when I said that a part of me meant she was my girl. That was when I realized that it didn’t matter that I’d locked away any romantic feelings I may have had for Felicity in the past, she had snuck under my skin and into my heart without even noticing. I’d decided not to do anything about my feelings for her because I still felt that she deserved to be with someone better than me.

 

At one point while we were holed up in the clock tower after having lost the Mirakuru cure, Felicity did one of the things that she does best, be the light that shines in the dark. She told me that I wasn’t done fighting because Slade still had to be defeated, and even though she didn’t know how, she knew that I wasn’t alone, and that she still believed in me. That knowledge gave me the strength to keep going, to find a way to try to stop Slade and save what was left of Starling City.

 

When Lance told us that Laurel was taken by one of Slade’s men my heart skipped a beat, he took the one woman I’d always love. I still loved Laurel but it was different than it was before, it was no longer all-encompassing. She would still always be the first woman I’d ever loved. A part of me at the time was relieved that it wasn’t Felicity that he took. A part of me felt that I must have succeeded in keeping my feelings for her hidden.

 

It was Felicity’s idea to make Slade out-think me instead of the other way around. The plan was to go to the mansion and stage a small argument with Felicity where I convinced her to stay there, one that would convince Slade that he took the wrong woman. But in that moment when I realized that that could be the last time I ever saw Felicity again, I couldn’t hold back, I had to tell her how I felt. I had to say those three little, oh so important, words. I love you. It terrified me to walk out of the mansion without her by my side, without knowing whether or not I would ever see her again. I had told the woman I love how I felt and I wasn’t even sure if she believed me when I said it.

 

As we were finishing defeating Slade’s soldiers in the tunnel, he contacted me and told me that he had Felicity. It hurt to have to lie and tell Slade that he had to do what he had to do. I had hoped that he would answer the way I thought he would and when he did I felt like I could see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. That light was Felicity. All I had to do then was not give up, trust the plan, trust my team, and go and meet Slade wherever he wanted. All I could do was hope that everything would fall into place and all the people I loved would be safe.

 

When I finally came face to face with Slade I did my best to distract him to give Felicity the best chance at succeeding. After confirming via glance that Felicity was ready to strike, I told Slade that I had distracted him so much that he couldn’t see that the real danger was right in front of him. And with that Felicity pulled the injector filled with the cure from her pocket and jammed it into Slade’s neck and then quickly got out of the way. Sara, who was waiting out of sight, took out the soldier holding Laurel, with an assist from her older sister, and then took both Laurel and Felicity to safety.

 

After I had Slade trapped and strung up to a concrete support column I contacted Amanda Waller and told her that it was over and that she needed to call off the drone. With her help Felicity, Diggle, and myself took Slade to A.R.G.U.S’s secure bunker on Lian Yu, where he would hopefully never wreak havoc on anyone ever again.

 

That whole conversation with Felicity on the island was incredibly awkward. I tried my best to let her know that I cared for her without letting her know just how much I cared for her. I tried to keep from letting her know that I meant every word I said that night in the mansion.

 

When Felicity and I reunited with Diggle after our talk I told them that I was flying, Diggle was fine with it, but of course the wonderful, naturally curious Felicity just had to ask how in the world I knew how to fly a plane. Now what in the world do I tell them?
After everything that’s gone on in my life since returning to Starling City I know two things for sure. One, I love Felicity. Two, Diggle, Felicity, Sara, and Roy have my back and are a part of my team.

 

There are other things that I find myself hoping and longing for now that Slade is no longer a threat. I will find Thea and prove to her that no matter what she will always be my sister and that I will always love her. I will get Queen Consolidated back and restore good faith in the Queen name. I will someday tell Felicity that I meant every word I said in the mansion, that I’m in love with her, and that I want to be with her even though I think she could do better than me. I will tell her how I feel someday, I don’t know when, but the hope of that someday in the future will have to be enough for now.